Learning to See Yourself Through Kind Eyes
/I had issues with negative self-talk all throughout high school. I would’ve given anything for my head to be quiet.
You shouldn’t be here.
What are you even doing?
You can’t do anything right.
And those are just the thoughts mild enough to share online.
If this sounds familiar to you, I’d like you to ask yourself something:
Is this how I’d speak to someone I love?
The answer is probably no. When I see my friend struggling with negative self-talk, I naturally meet her with understanding that lives outside of what she tells herself. When she says, “I should have done more productive things today,” I remind her what she’s already accomplished. It’s easy—almost instinctive—to show her grace.
But when I’m the one who feels behind, who doesn’t like what she sees in the mirror, or who can’t quiet the voice saying not enough, that grace suddenly feels out of reach.
Seeing Through Kind Eyes
Here’s the truth we often forget: how we see ourselves shapes how we treat ourselves. And most of us have been practicing harshness far longer than we’ve practiced grace.
To see yourself with kind eyes doesn’t mean pretending you have no flaws. It means choosing to view yourself through gentleness instead of shame.
Kind eyes see tired eyes and remember how late you stayed up studying, working, or helping someone you love.
Kind eyes see a messy room and remember that even though it was hard, you got out of bed today.
Kind eyes see curves, stretch marks, scars, freckles, and all the things you were once told to hide—and remember they’re part of what makes you human.
Kind eyes don’t rush to critique; they pause, breathe, and honor the story written across your skin.
Rewriting the Relationship
Our bodies have never been the problem. The problem is the lens we’ve been told to use—the one shaped by comparison, by unrealistic standards, by the belief that worth is earned through appearance and accomplishments.
Self-kindness starts with choosing a new lens. It means letting your reflection remind you of strength, not shame. It means recognizing that beauty isn’t a reward for perfection—it’s the evidence of being alive, of being you.
When you start seeing yourself that way, you begin to make peace with your reflection—not because it’s perfect, but because it’s yours.
The Heart of Confidence
Confidence is built in quiet moments: when you stop speaking to yourself like an enemy, when you thank your body for carrying you through the day, when you give yourself permission to rest without guilt.
Beauty radiates from the inside out—and it begins with learning to treat yourself with the same kindness you so freely offer others.
So the next time you meet your own gaze, soften it. Smile, even if it feels small. You’re learning. You’re growing. You’re wonderfully made—and the world needs that light.
Some Exercises!
Here are some more practical ways that you can practice self-kindness, starting today. I know it’s tempting to roll your eyes at things like these, and I’ve been there! Try these things out for just a week and then ruminate on whether it’s helped you.
1. Start Your Morning with Gratitude for Your Body
Before reaching for your phone or the mirror, take a breath and thank your body for something it allows you to do — “Thank you for carrying me through yesterday,” or “Thank you for letting me move, breathe, and try again today.”
That small gratitude shifts focus from appearance to appreciation.
2. Speak to Yourself Like You’d Speak to a Friend
When you catch a harsh thought — “I look awful today,” “I didn’t do enough” — pause and ask:
“Would I say this to someone I love?”
If not, rewrite it. Practice replacing judgment with gentleness: “I’m doing my best. My worth isn’t defined by how I look or what I got done.”
3. Change the Mirror Narrative
When you see your reflection, try naming what you like about yourself — even if it’s something small. It could be “I love my eye color” or “My smile looks kind today.”
Look with curiosity, not criticism. Your body is the home that holds your life, not a project to perfect.
4. Journal One Act of Kindness Toward Yourself
Each evening, write down one gentle thing you did for yourself that day — resting when you needed to, setting a boundary, or simply eating when you were hungry without guilt.
Over time, these notes remind you that compassion is a practice, not a personality trait.
5. Surround Yourself with Real Beauty
Fill your feed and your space with things that lift you up — friends who speak truth, creators who value authenticity, music and art that celebrate life’s imperfections.
When your environment reflects kindness, it’s easier to offer it to yourself.
5. Remember What God Says About You
Reading your Bible will give you a great framework for how to view yourself. Here are a few verses to get you started:
Psalm 139:13-14
Ephesians 2:10
Isaiah 43:1
Romans 8:38–39
